Lost Oscars

I'm generally a fairly strong proponent of the Globe and Mail. As far as daily newspapers go in these parts, it's usually the most even-handed, centrist, impartial source available... It also featrues mildly competant writing now and then, which is sadly miles ahead of the competition. That said, they really fumbled the Oscar ball.

As many of you faithful readers who happen not to live in caves or under particularly mossy rocks already know, the Academy Awards were last night. Yes, that joyous occasion when all of Hollywood's finest parade around in slightly nicer clothes than usual, and act slightly more self-important than usual. Honestly, when else could you see Ludacris in a tux? Or Charlize Theron wear an absurdly sized bow, one that is so massive, it appears to be either trying to eat her, or trying to make sweet love to her shoulder. Possibly both.

Now I dont know about you, but I'd say the only awards of real interest are Best Director, and Best Picture, last night going to Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain, and Crash respectively (ooh, what an upset! Looks like the academy is hedging their bets in hopes of regaining support from the homophobic-but-artsy lobby).

So imagine my surprise when today's copy of the Globe and Mail features exactly zero mention of either of these winners. That's right, on the day after the Oscars, you can read today's Globe cover to cover, front to back, without learning who won either Best Director or Best Picture. For me, even with only a passing interest in either the Oscar race, or the overal integrity of the Academy's choices (Chicago takes best pic? Oh come on!), this is a very odd omission. What if the Globe was my one source of news? What if I lived in a hut in the woods, somehow outside of all radio and TV signals, away from a phone, without access to the internet, with only my loyal canine Cujo keeping me company as a modestly sized carp roasts on an open fire (made entirely from scratch, without use of matches or a lighter)? What then? Nevermind the fact that in such a scenario the Globe would likely refuse to deliver to me (especially after I scared off all their whiny delivery boys). Additionally nevermind the fairly obvious fact that someone in my position likely couldn't care less about the Oscar race, or really anything outside of where I'm gonna conjure the next delecable carp. The Globe would have soundly failed me.

And honestly, I can understand the need to get to print. But the Oscars ended at something like 11:30 at night. Just keep your hand off the button for a split second more and you're home free. Not just that, you put the silly headline "Brokeback coralls an Oscar" on the front page, and advertise a list of the winners within. False advertisement I say! The only oscar you list Brokeback winning is best adapted screenplay... not really what your readers are gonna expect when they open up their papers. C'mon guys, get with the program, and the rest of the modern world.