Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Crazy person + camera = good watchin'

Aah, the glories of readily available digital cameras, and limited affordable brain medicine.

Anyone who's seen the thrilling Bill Paxton - Hellen Hunt vehicle Twister knows there are (evidently) some nutjobs out there who seek out large storms in order to study / film them. Pictured above is an example of the work of one such real life (crazy) person.

I'm happy to say, there's much much more where that came from, including some truly beautiful pictures. I'm certainly not going to advocate chasing storms anytime soon, but hey, the man gets results. Check out his spiffy work here, and enjoy other non-storm related pics. The fellow has a good photographer's eye.

Possibly the coolest website ever

No friends, I'm not talking about this site, but thanks for thinking so. So sweet.

What I'm referring to is WikiMapia, an ingenius combination of google maps (which has taken satelite imagery of the entire Earth and compiled it into one massive and detailed map), and the driving force of user editing seen with Wikipedia. What results is really quite incredible, albiet still young: a map of the Earth with the potential for total detail.

These images are of a high enough resolution to pick out your own house, and the system is such that it then lets you label it (though it asks you to make note only of landmarks that would hold general interest). Going through my hometown of Toronto, I picked out several more subtle landmarks that users had already added, then added a few neglected ones of my own (Hart House, I deem thee existant!) Very neat indeed.

Also spiffy is the ability to then search not just by major place (eg city), but by user defined locations. A search for "saddledome" for example brings up the pengrowth saddledome in Calgary, home of the Flames. Just browsing around I tracked down the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, and Central Park in New York. Naturally, each user defined place has an optional description, which can then be added or altered by another user.

What You get then, is an incredibly detailed map, with constantly updating, expanding information. You'll need an alright computer to get the most out of it (hi res pictures can be a system hog), but given that you can really lose yourself in it. Highly reccomended.

Muey Spiffy

Gnarls Barkley is pretty spiffy stuff.
Comprised of one part DJ Danger Mouse (of Grey Album fame, in which he took the vocals off Jay-Z's Black Album and put them to mixed excerpts of the Beatles' White Album), and one part Cee-Lo Green (a solo artist and former member of Atlanta's Goodie Mob), the group met in Atlanta in the late '90s, and began recording together around the time of a 2003 DM record titled Ghetto Pop Life. A few recordings were passed around and played by many associated with the pair, and eventually one of the leaked tracks, "Crazy," became a hot property for the download market. It became the first single vaulted to the top of the British charts by digital distribution, and the resulting album, St. Elsewhere, peaked at number one on the album charts.

Their style is hard to pin down, and the leadoff single, "Crazy", isn't entirely indicative of the album as a whole in terms of style, but it does give a clue as to the high quality of the music.

Also demonstrably good about this group is their videos. Exhibit A: "Crazy", follows. Neat concept, wonderfully executed, it evokes shades of "Seven Nation Army", without feeling like a ripoff. You'll see why. Enjoy.

"Don't you worry, it's going to be all right. 'Cause I'm always there. I won't let you out of my sight. I'll be there - never you fear. I'll be there -forever and always. I'm always here."

God I love when famous people do silly things.

Case in point: David Hsselhoff. Has anyone gone from renowned heart throb to absolute imbacile with the jarring speed of ol' Davey boy? Possibly Michael Jackson. But that's been more sad than funny. This is just funny. So funny in fact, I feel negligent for waiting so long to post it.

A commonly known fact among pop culture morons such as myself, is that Hasselhoff has enjoyed a blossoming singing career in Germany as of late. What is less commonly known is how godawfully bad the videos that the songs have spawned are. What follows is one such video.

I honestly don't know where to start.

Perhaps the best part is the seemingly overwhelming fixation on rotating three dimensional cubes, which are spun by Hasselhoff on one occasion. Maybe it's the constant (and seemingly random) change in background and setting. Or it could be the fact that Hasselhoff himself seems to take the whole absurd mess seriously. Tough to say. What is for sure is, this is some quality stuff. Enjoy.

Ann Coulter = absolutely insane

I value and understand the need for opposing views, especially in politics. Everyone agreeing on something as complex as international issues or freedom of speech would mean that everyone is a clone, drugged, or we're talking about fascism. Opposition is good, when its reasonable.

Ann Coulter is not reasonable.

Coulter is the sexed up Republican attack dog, who goes out and spews (generally) offensive viewpoints in order to fire up the troops. Her latest stance, though, is truly remarkable.

In her latest book, Coulter criticizes the four New Jersey widows who pushed for an independent commission to investigate the Sept. 11 attacks, stating:

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief- arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much"

Absolutely unbelievable.

So let me get this straight. You're married. Your spouse dies as a result of what is now overwhelmingly regarded as a massive intelligence failure. You ask for an investigation, as a means of correcting this problem. You are, therefore, fair game for criticism, and profiteering off your spouse's death. Yeah, makes sense to me.

I guess this kind of behaviour could have been predicted. Check out some of Coulter's other gems:

"Even if corners were cut, (Iran-Contra) was a brilliant scheme. There is no possibility that anyone in any Democratic administration would have gone to such lengths to fund anti-communist forces. When Democrats scheme from the White House, it's to cover up the president's affair with an intern. When Republicans scheme, it's to support embattled anti-communist freedom fighters sold out by the Democrats," she wrote in 2003's "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism."

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building," The New York Observer quoted her as saying on Aug. 20, 2002. She clarified those remarks with RightWingNews.com: "Of course I regret it. I should have added, 'after everyone had left the building except the editors and reporters.'"

"(Liberals) are always accusing us of repressing their speech. I say let's do it. Let's repress them. ... Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment," Coulter said during an Oct. 21, 2005, speech at the University of Florida.

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity," Coulter wrote in a column published by the National Review Online on Sept. 13, 2001.

"The portrayal of Senator Joe McCarthy as a wild-eyed demagogue destroying innocent lives is sheer liberal hobgoblinism. Liberals weren't cowering in fear during the McCarthy era. They were systematically undermining the nation's ability to defend itself while waging a bellicose campaign of lies to blacken McCarthy's name. Everything you think you know about McCarthy is a hegemonic lie. Liberals denounced McCarthy because they were afraid of getting caught, so they fought back like animals to hide their own collaboration with a regime as evil as the Nazis," she wrote in "Treason."

"Mostly the Witches of East Brunswick wanted George Bush to apologize for not being Bill Clinton," she wrote in "Godless." She was referring to the New Jersey town where two of the Sept. 11 widows live.

"We need somebody to put rat poison in Justice Stevens' creme brulee," Coulter said in a Jan. 27 appearance at Philander Smith College in Little Rock, Ark., regarding Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

Good times!

At least not everyone is just sitting around and letting this nutcase run free. Rep. Rahm Emmanuel, D-Ill., said Thursday on the House floor that Coulter is a "hatemonger" and called on Republicans to denounce her: "I must ask my colleagues on the other side of the aisle: Does Ann Coulter speak for you when she suggests poisoning not Supreme Court Justices or slanders the 9/11 ... widows? If not, speak now. Your silence allows her to be your spokesman."

Goddamn right.

God bless the British wit

Pictured above is a car currently on sale on eBay UK. The seller has extensively listed the vehicle details, and put on prominent display about ten clear and different pictures. Should be a fairly straightforward transaction, right?

So very wrong.

Apparently he's gotten several mind-blowingly idiotic inquiries, but being the (evidently) amusing gent he is, he's responded to all of them within the body of the auction itself. A thoroughly amusing read:

On 22-Apr-06 at 13:49:33 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok for the person who came to test drive it and exclaimed "Oh it's Silver - I don't want a Silver one!" Yes it's Silver. Just so that there is no error here The title says it's Silver, the description confirms this and guess what? When you look at the photo's what do you see? Yup you got it. It is indeed Silver. I am so glad that you came to view it, thanks for brightening my day.


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On 22-Apr-06 at 13:58:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Hi,

Had 4 or 5 people asking what the reserve is....I can't see a reserve price on it...can you? ...er there isn't one. This is selling all the way. When the hammer falls the highest bidder wins regardless.

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On 22-Apr-06 at 14:45:39 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok a round up of the latest emails:

Sorry no swaps or trade-ins - I'm not a garage! Not even a very nice garden shed painted red that I have to dismantle myself, but thanks for the offer.
Being registered in 2000 makes it 6 years old...I have never heard of a warranty this long so no it is not under warranty.
Yes it is road legal - it's got an Mot!
Nope no tax
Yes it has a spare wheel. (Have I landed on a different planet or something?)
No faults that I know of beyond what's in the description however that's not a promise as I'm not a mechanic and no there is no trial period. Come and try it make your own mind up. If you win you buy.
No I don't think that I'm your long lost husband George from Arbroath regardless of how sarcastic I appear to be. It's called humour where I'm from. Personally I think George did the right thing where ever he is.
The only finance is: you pay me I give you the car, I'm not a bank!
I can't vouch for the other owners but no accidents that I am aware of.
Yes you can look at it but no you can't take it for a two day test drive. (I am sure April 1st has gone).
Ha ha very funny, no it's not made out of chocolate. (Why me. I get on a train / bus and I get the nutter. I even land the nutty taxi drivers who have just had Paris Hilton in the cab 'honest' - yeh right.). Get a life and start bidding.
How do you place a bid?...sorry if this is too complicated for you I tend to think that driving might just be a stretch too far.
No it's not left hand drive and your holiday in france and the precise route sounds wonderful. send me a postcard.
Arghhh

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On 22-Apr-06 at 19:45:14 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok I think I have become email capital of ebay...a real magnet for wonderful questions:

All the seats are present and work, I know that you have counted them in the pictures and can only see 7. There is a very good reason for this...it's a 7 seater.
No it's never been raced ...sorry am I missing something here, Auto Galaxy racing???? May be it'll be be a new class at Imola this year - Auto F1 MPV trials.
There are no rips or tears to the head lining
How the hell do I know if anyone has ever eaten in it. I assume no four course meals but may be the odd hippo pastie. Get a grip.
It's not an off road vehicle so I assume it hasn't been used as such...this is an assumption mind you.
Oh I see, no dear, 7 seater includes the driver.
I can't speak for previous owners, I'm not aware of animals being in it. I suppose a previous owner could have been a zoo keeper or a werewolf.
Keep up the emails as there is nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time. have fun and happy bidding. Is it a full moon tonight?

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On 22-Apr-06 at 23:00:22 BST, seller added the following information:

Come on guys give it a rest it's saturday night...get a life...

Why does it make any difference how many people are watching this? Just bid.
You might have a large family and can't afford very much, I am sorry on both accounts but I'm not a charity.
Again no swaps, not even if your car is really nice.
I'm glad that you are enjoying this Sheryl, watch telly or something, haven't you got a boy friend or something?... no better still bid - now!

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On 23-Apr-06 at 12:00:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Sunday the day of rest...yeah right...more gems from ebay land...

Thought this might interest you - On one of my last auctions the guy who won it said that he had hooked himself up to a blood pressure monitor in the closing minutes of the bidding and his pressure went up to some ridiculous level. I do wonder some people on the net at times. Must get out more and interact with more carbon based life forms (humanoid) springs to mind.

The reason Jerry, that the gear stick is a funny shape is because it's an A U T O M A T I C gear box. Which means that if you do come to look you will find that there is no clutch. It's not missing by the way they just don't need three pedals. Should be just perfect for some as it's just like a pedal car - only two pedals.
No it's not like new, Fran, it's 6 years old and done 67,000 + miles with kids.
The seats are all fine, except the drivers arm rest as mentioned before.
The exhaust appears to be fine. Whilst we are on the subject of expelling waste gas....
Ok guys enough for today. I'm off to do some things as I have a life. More tomorrow no doubt.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 09:35:52 BST, seller added the following information:

Well stuff me sideways with a large mexican cactus...a mail box crammed with 100's of emails...thanks just what I want to be doing on my Birthday. Yes Happy birthday to me, oh the joys of age...Ok another and possibly the last round up as ebay won't let me add anything I think within 24 hours of the end. The end is nigh.

Again no swaps. What is it with people, when I say no swaps please don't take it as a challange. I have been offfered a caravan, 12 cars, 1 lorry, to have my garden landscaped, some rare fish, and I'm sorry but the very kind gent (Donald) who offered me a weekend with his wife (and him it would appear) I have a special message for you. The pictures you sent me of your wife did not, in all honesty help. Some of them looked more like a traffic accident than something that I might remotely find alluring. I am sure that if you set up your own website (assuming that it's not illegal) there will be plenty of sad sacks (many from ebay land going by this experience) who will indulge your (and your wifes) desires.
The tyres on the right hand side of the vehicle are not flat. The reason the picture of the rear seats is 'wonky' as you put it, has an awful lot to do with the fact that I was trying to perch myself between the two front seats facing backwards. There was a very interesting hand brake and gear stick threatening to change my gender at that moment. Additionally at the same time, fending off a small child wearing an eye patch and a pirates bandana who was in the process of trying to hack my left leg off with a large plastic knife; a generous donation to family harmony from Santa.
The bar you can see in the back is to handcuff the children to.(Joke - don't report me to the RSPCC altough at times....) Its the parcel shelf and can be removed easily.
Yes it has privacy glass in the back and your eyes do not deceive you. It's really handy - people can't see inside the back as you transport your clan arround. They should make such glass complusory. Stops you getting a fright on the motorway when you glance sideways into a car as see .... I do wonder about some families.
Whimp. Lancaster is not too far to come to look. Try this...bid, win collect. Simple really and it's a lovely train ride. You think writing replies to a zillion questions about this makes car buying fun????? Woha Lisa I think you need to change your friends.
Yet again no it's not like new Gavin. Let me put it this way...what would you be like if you have run over 67,000 miles in six years carrying a load of kids (or werewolves)? Got a picture? Good well this car is a miracle. It looks bloody good and far far better than you would after such an event. However new implies without a mark, pristine, no wear...no it's not like new. It's good and it doesn't appear to have been abused like I sense you should be....may be I should introduce you to Donald (see above).
For the 34 people who are interested in the tyres. Firstly I am sure that your interest in rubber ...no I can't be bothered, I'm sure Donald and his wife would like to meet you (see above). The tyres are very good. They all look reasonably new. On the subject of tires....
Thankfully not long to go now so bid.

Thanks for the many messages of appreciation and yes for those that asked try this http://multiversity.blogspot.com/.

Have fun bid high. I'm off to blow out far too many candles.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 10:04:28 BST, seller added the following information:

No I don't live in Lancaster??? I live in Oxford.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 10:42:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Heaven help us...

Another is it left hand drive?

Don't you read or something? If not then I guess this isn't going make a lot of sense then. In which case I guess I can call you anything and you won't know! Nit.
Do you think that I have cunningly turned the photo's around to make it just look like a right hand drive vehicle just to fool you???? Give me strength. NO ITS A BLOODY RIGHT HAND DRIVE MPV.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 13:35:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few:

How fast does it go? Depends on what's in front of you I suppose. It will sit very happily at 90 without even stressing the engine. (On the autobhaan of course, officer).
Yes I am a nice bloke really - not had many complaints anyway, why do you ask Amy?
Yes it runs on petrol, I am tempted to say I've tried gin and tonics but someone will actually think I mean it. I now understand why car adverts have to include warnings like 'Does not include people and scenery' in them. How do such people get by in life? Do they buy a ticket for the train and think they have a share in the rolling stock??
Yes I like it (The car that is). What sort of question was that Ruth??
It's very stable in cornering. In fact I wish most people were as stable as this MPV. It sits on the road really really well. It really is just like a big car. It is great to drive.
Yes Bob the cup holders work.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 13:38:39 BST, seller added the following information:

No Bob the cup holders are not broken or damaged in any way. As I said they work.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 13:41:05 BST, seller added the following information:

Well Bob I just suppose that depends on how big your cups are doesn't it. No I haven't tried them with tins. I Don't drink and drive Bob.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 13:47:14 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob haven't you got work to do or do you find that you have a problem relating to the rest of the human race? What is it with the cup holders? My suggestion is that rather than buying a car you go out and buy a cup holder. It's much safer - trust me.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 13:51:15 BST, seller added the following information:

Thanks Bob and I hope that you have a nice day too. Oh by the way Bob you are now barred from bidding. I figure that the motoring and pedestrian population of Great Britain are safer that way.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 15:10:48 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob sending me an email under a different name won't work either. You are the only person in the world who is even remotely interested in the cup holders and you have misspelled the swear words in exactly the same way as you did in your last email. Nobody and I mean nobody cares about cup holders. Now let me make some predictions Bob and you tell me if I'm right.

You collect the numbers of trains at Crew railway station.
You live with your mum even though you are 45.
You don't have a girl friend - indeed you might even be a virgin (not that there's anything wrong with that at 45 of course).
Your favourite programme on TV is mmmm this is a hard one....got to be one of these inane outake / blooper type programmes or a practical joke programme that darken our culture. You know the kind of thing where a comic pretends to leave you with 15 dogs in the park whilst they go to the loo. That's funny isn't it Bob?
You button your shirts right up to the neck even though you don't wear a tie.
How am I doing?

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On 24-Apr-06 at 15:20:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Hi Bob,

Thanks for your prompt reply. How did I know about the trainspotting, the telly thing and the shirts? Just a wild crazy guess I suppose. Even though you are not a virgin are only living with your mum temporarily you are still barred. Hey tell you what, there is a chap who would love to swap emails with you. He's not doing much at the moment, he's just tending some land in the middle east and buggering up a few million peoples lives. He would be delighted to have a friend. How about you send him an email on vice_president@whitehouse.gov . All the best.

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On 24-Apr-06 at 22:32:49 BST, seller added the following information:

Ahhh back on! I would like to thank all the people who have sent me e-birthday cards and greetings. Thank you.

Jamie I am sooo pleased that you have been in tears reading this. Me too - the bidding is slow!
Thanks to everyone (except Bob and Donald). Bid now please.

"Now I will sex you with my mind"

I'm well aware of the nature of the magic trade. Basically, having the best / most fantastic / most alluring trick brings in the crowds, who bring in the money, which allows you to have even more elabourate tricks the next go-round. David Copperfield is definetly one of this super-magician breed, along with David Blaine, and to a lesser extent, Criss Angel (God, what an absurd name).

But whereas Blaine has in recent times moved towards a more "look at the crazy shit I can do for a long time!" type of trick (living in an ice ball / underwater / on top of a really tall pole), Copperfield has seemingly resisted that approach, instead opting for straight-up fantastical magic. This time though, he may have gone too far:

Illusionist David Copperfield is planning to go one better than rival David Blaine by impregnating a woman live onstage.

The magician will carry out the stunt in Germany, without - he insists - even touching the volunteer.

Copperfield tells PageSix.com, "There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. I'm going to make a girl pregnant. Naturally there will be no sex.

"Everybody will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more."

Now that's some crazy assed magic. Bunnies from hats, sawing women in half, all been done... but impregnating someone? That I gotta see.... though the actual logistics of the trick in question raise some concerns. How, for example, will he be able to establish her pregnant nature? Will they bring a pee-test on stage and make her go behind a little curtain? Will it somehow be detectable via onstage ultrasound? Maybe the baby will be so magic, the woman will be ready to give birth right then and there?

It sounds interesting, regardless of the approach.

You know what I'd love though? If some radical Christian group got their panties in a knot over this, arguing that it somehow "diminishes the miracle of Mary's immaculate birth". That would be truly amusing.

Doing it right

Pictured above are some of the 400 odd Canadian law encorcement agents responsable for a remarkable counter-terrorism success today. As reported by BBC news:

Police in Canada have arrested and charged 12 men who they say were planning an "al-Qaeda-inspired" bombing campaign in and around Toronto.

Five other youths have also been charged, following an investigation involving more than 400 officers.

Police seized bomb-making materials in a series of raids in Toronto, including three tonnes of ammonium nitrate.

Officials said the group "posed a real and serious threat" with "the capacity and intent to carry out these attacks".

To put it in context, the 1995 bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City that killed 168 people was completed with only one ton of ammonium nitrate," said Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) assistant commissioner Mike McDonell.


I for one would like to sincerely thank these officers for their efforts in keeping Canada safe from this potentially very damaging attack (and in my hometown, no less!) I'd also like to point out that this efficacy was achieved without the erosion of civil liberties, declared "nessicary" South of the boarder. Kudos indeed.

Shiningboys!

Many people seem to think they have talent of some kind.

These guys, or possibly guy, certainly seems to be under this unfortunate false impression. This is what happens when you make blue screens widely affordable people. Please, stop the madness... though I do like the pointless escape from a strait jacket. Always a winning idea. Also his dancing before the Sun. No doubt Ra will be mighty pleased.

Clearly though, the strongpoint of the video is the guy himself, and his absurdly overblown hand gestures. Most of the time it seems as though he doesnt know what to do with his hands, so he decides to over-emote to fill time. High school drama dropout acting at its worst.

Enjoy.